For KT (And Anyone Who Needs A Laugh)

Don't Forget To Park Your Cow

I Think The Sing-A-Ma-Jigs Are A Mistake - Get The Pillow Pets Instead

I don't have kids, but if you do, here's what you're faced with this holiday season.

My city's newspaper just published the top 15 holiday toys according to Toys R Us. You can read them all as they were posted originally by clicking here.

But they are as follows:

- Calico Critters Luxury Townhouse by International Playthings: A doll house for Calico Critters dolls available exclusively from Toys R Us. $79.99.
In case you're wondering what Calico Critters are, they're these things. And I have no idea why they would need a house.

- Cuponk by Hasbro Inc: A game that combines electronic cups and ping-pong-like balls. $14.99.
This is a game where you toss a ping pong ball into a cup. And no, it doesn't get more complicated than that.

- Disney Princess & Me dolls by Jakks Pacific. Five 18-inch dolls of princesses from Disney movies, available exclusively at Toys R Us. $49.99.
This just wouldn't be America if Disney figurines weren't somewhere on this list.

- Disney/Pixar's "Toy Story 3" Imaginext Tri-County Landfill by Mattel's Fisher-Price. A playset that recreates the landfill scene from "Toy Story 3." $49.99.
See previous commentary.

- Fast Lane Wild Fire RC by Toys R Us. A four-wheel remote control car over a foot tall. $89.99.
OK, that does sound kind of cool. Remote-controlled anything is usually fun. At least until you drive it into a wall. Or into the street ...

- Imaginext Bigfoot the Monster by Fisher-Price. A Bigfoot that moves around, stomps and throws tantrums. $109.99.
What? Oh that won't get annoying.

- Leapster Explorer by LeapFrog: Electronic handheld device that has a library of 40 games and activities and other features. $69.99.
Running total of educational toys on this list: 1.

- Loopz from Mattel: Electronic memory game in which users try to repeat patterns of light and music. $34.99.
Running total of educational toys on this list: 2.

- Minotaurus by Lego Systems Inc. A board game from Lego. $26.99.
Please. Everyone knows the Harry Potter anything game will outsell the Minotaurus.

- Monster High Cleo DeNile and Deuce Gorgon doll set by Mattel: Dolls from Mattel's Monster High line. $39.99.
The what and the what from the what?

- Nerf N-Strike Stampede ECS by Hasbro: Nerf blaster that can shoot Nerf darts up to 25 feet. $54.99.
Think of it as like you're paying $2 and change per foot for how far this thing can shoot. Or, you're buying something that you're probably going to have to end up taking away from your kid later anyway after the third or fourth time he specifically aims for your butt.

- Pillow Pets by Ontel Products Corp.: Plus stuffed animals that convert into a pillow by opening a Velcro strap. $19.99.
Awww.

- Sing-a-ma-jigs by Mattel: Plush creatures that harmonize and sing together or apart. $12.99.
The Toys R Us website says: "Every Sing-A-Ma-Jig has three modes of play. In chatter mode, the Sing-A-Ma-Jig speaks in a language full of jibbers and jabbers. In song mode, your little one can control the pace of the song to give each tune its own unique musical take. In harmonizing mode, each Sing-A-Ma-Jig sings in harmony with their other Sing-A-Ma-Jig friends (sold separately). The more Sing-A-Ma-Jigs your little one collects, the larger the chorus and the better the sound!" All I can say is, I hope that either the tune is super catchy, or that it's super easy to remove their batteries.

- Squinkies Cupcake Surprise Bake Shop by Blip Toys: A play set that doubles as a toy vending machine for 9 included Squinkies, tiny toy people and animals. $22.99
I'll be waiting for the Squinkies Healthy Snacktime Station by Blip Toys.

- Tomica Hypercity Mega Station Set by Tomy: A Toys R Us exclusive train set. $79.99.
Thumbs up. Train sets are always, always cool. (Just watch where you step.)

This Has Been My Life On Pause

This has been the most insane week work-wise for me since I went rogue freelance. I think it's like some kind of unwritten rule that the more stuff you already have on your plate, the more people who suddenly come out of the woodwork needing things from you. Also, the more impossible the request, the more likely it is that they need it "right away."

A few publications have amped up the volume of copy editing work they're giving me this month, which is awwwwwwe-some, BUT ... "Barcelona" is due tomorrow (with PHOTOS, sweet lord ...), and I am praying the Muse helps me crank out the last few pages of this beast of an article before I rip all my hair out. Pray that the internet gods do not crash any of the sites I need to use as resources, nor do any lolcats jam the waves as they are being transmitted through the tubes. Pray that I can continue to subsist on whatever I can still find in my fridge and pantry, and that I one day eventually remember how to socialize, since I haven't been out of the house since last weekend.

So help me god, when this week is over I am going shopping to spend every last dime I have on clothes and shoes in order to restore fun and frivolity to my life!!!

Not really. That would kind of defeat the purpose. But I am going shopping. Maybe I'll even buy something not on sale this time -- you know, get all crazy-like.

Nike's Write the Future Commercial

In honor of the 2010 World Cup, I bring you the best soccer commercial ever. (Or at least the longest.)

I love how they show Wayne Rooney beating Roger Federer at table tennis.

What Will You Look Like in 20 Years?

The following was mailed to me today in a newsletter I subscribe to and it piqued my interest so much that I had to stop what I was doing and check it out.

If you go to the website In20years.com and upload a recent photo of yourself, it will show you what you're going to look like after you've aged 20, or even 30, years. And so I ask you, my friend -- do you want to know the truth? Do you really? Do you?!?! You can't handle the truth!!!

Actually, I was terrified and didn't think I was going to be able to handle the truth either, but miraculously, the results didn't send me crawling back under the covers with a box of tissues. I thought, "Eh. I'll take that."

So try it. Maybe you'll look stunning in 20 years, who knows. (As you can see above, Megan Fox was barely phased.)

Only one way to find out!


And because I know you want to know ... let's age Megan 30 years instead and see how that works out for her.

The Real Estalker

I just discovered the site The Real Estalker, and it's fascinating. For example, it uncovered a listing for Uma Thurman's five-floor New York City townhome, listed for $14.2 million.

If I had the cash lying around, I'd take it, what about you?

Hun-Cal? HUN-CAL??

OMG it's totes the best hun-cal fro-yo.

How Does This Rachel Leigh Cook Look-Alike Feel About Her What?

Um, this just makes me laugh.

Sony Bravia Bouncy Balls

This looks like so much fun ...



And this is how they did it ...

In A Rainy Mood, Anyone?

Oh god. It's Monday again. Already.

Let's revolt by hiding under our headphones all day.

Rainymood.com

Glow

Ever wish you could capture a moment in a jar forever?

Visit The Moment Jars to share one with the world.

But Will They Block Out the Sounds of Her Setting Your Car on Fire?

I've been doing a lot of online Christmas shopping this year since A) I'm always at the office, and B) I'm always in front of a computer at the office. It just makes sense.

And so, naturally, I've been cruising around Amazon.com -- as we all must, at one point or another in any given year, since it's like the Walmart of online vendors. Hooray for mass quantities and cheap prices, am I right?

Anyway, the other day a pair of shiny noise-cancelling headphones on the site caught my eye, and I started reading the consumer reviews. Below is a screenshot of one that I came across. Click on it to get the full dose of idiocy.

That's nice.

Talk to the Moose & Then Go Ho Ho

It's like GAP is breeding dancers or something.

This ...



... grows up to be this ...



It's the circle of (GAP) life.

The World According to Americans

Terrible but amusing, you have to admit. [CLick to enlarge and see the whole thing.]

Of All the Adjectives

The boyfriend and I are watching TV.



Boyfriend: She looks embryonic.

Me: Embryonic? Mariah Carey?

Boyfriend: Yeah. She looks like an embryo. Her face.

Me: As in ... not fully formed?

Boyfriend: Mm-hmm.


Boys are so weird.

What if I Entered the Conference Room in a Cupcake

Pray for me. I have to interview people today for the first time ever in my life, for my department's open copy editor position. I hope they don't pick up on the fact that I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing.

I think it will be OK. And either way, I'm getting a massage after all of it, at 4:00, in order to help with my back pain, so even if the interviews do go horribly wrong, at least maybe the stress will get massaged right out of me.

Plus ... yesterday some random person e-mailed one of our editors and asked her to please, please consider this item for the magazine's holiday gift guide:


It's a Cupcake Car. You can get one for a cool $25,000 right here.

I look at that photo, and suddenly, I feel better.

Image property of Neiman Marcus

Puppies Make Everything Better

The bad news is that one of the web publications I've been freelancing for, my highest-paying client, actually, has cut back on freelance articles (I suspect due to budget constraints), and so I will be receiving significantly fewer checks from them. Bugger.

The good news is that this video makes me feel so much better about, well, everything:

Hunting

Some Background Information
A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I were guests at a dinner party in North Scottsdale. Our hosts were our friends -- who happen to also be our landlords -- who live in a newly finished 7,000-square-foot Southwest-style home that is utterly gorgeous (if not a tad outrageous), nestled into some Arizona foothills.

One of the great things about our friends' new home is that it's on the outskirts of town, therefore they have peace and quiet, privacy and excellent unobstructed views for miles and miles.

One of the not-so-great things is that there are a lot of unwelcome creatures and critters lurking around just outside of town, including, but not limited to: rattlesnakes, javelinas, bobcats, mountain lions (yes, mountain lions) and scorpions.

[If you're wondering what a javelina is, Wikipedia can help with that. That main lesson, though, is that they're wild hogs. I know they don't immediately look like cold-blooded killers, and I will admit that the baby javelinas can sometimes be cute, but make no mistake, the adults have sharp tusks that can do some major damage. Each year dozens of domestic dogs are reported as having been killed by javelinas.]

And on the night of this particular dinner party, our friends and my boyfriend and I found the largest any of us has ever seen of one of the above-mentioned species of vermin -- up close and personal ...

Yup, a mountain lion.

No, not really. Thank god, no. That would have been one seriously tragic dinner party!

What I meant was, we found several of these guys crawling around the property:


(A Very Poor Primer on) How to Hunt For Scorpions
1. Do not hunt for scorpions alone. Take at least one person with you, preferably more, say, a half dozen. This will ensure that someone is able to call 911 if events should turn in that direction. (Important: see #2.) Note that the odds of at least one person being able to dial 911 greatly increase with the number of people accompanying you. This is particularly true if you take into consideration #2 and #3.

2. Take a cell phone with you. Just do.

3. If you are hunting scorpions after perhaps many, many (many) glasses of wine, be aware that wearing flip-flops on the excursion is not a good idea.

4. Actually, wearing flip-flops to go scorpion hunting is never a good idea.

5. Things you will need: A pair of pliers. A spray bottle filled with a lethal concentration of ammonia. And a black light flashlight. Of these, the black light flashlight is probably the most important. Why? Because for whatever reason, scorpions ...

GLOW!!!

(And no one knows why.)

At any rate, the pliers you will need in order to grab the little buggers and keep them from moving. The spray bottle you will need to then stun and annihilate your victims. (The ammonia makes the exoskeleton disintegrate. Yum.)

6. Also, take a camera.

7. Good luck.


Scenes from a Scorpion Hunt






**No humans were injured during the course of the events described above. However, the same cannot be said for the scorpions.**

Photos by Sway Sovay

"Xixi No Banho" is Portuguese for "Pee in the Bath"

First, some backstory as to how I wandered upon this bit of information. I am currently writing a series of articles focused on the waste management situations of various countries. In doing so, I have had to do a lot of research and read all the information I can pertaining to these countries' environmental-friendly and not-so-environmental-friendly practices.

Right now, I am writing about Brazil. And in reading articles for research, I came across this oddity:

Brazil Forest Group says "Go Green ... Go in the Shower"

Yes, it is what you think. It is an environmentally conscious organization promoting encouraging people to pee in the shower in order to save water. And if you click through, you will find a link to a YouTube video from the ad campaign, as well as the campaign's website.

Let me just say this: I see their point. And their point makes sense. However, I still think it's unsanitary and disgusting. No "xixi no banho" for me.