I think that it must be awfully hard for some guys to live with the idea that they should be the ones to put the first foot forward. A lot of girls like for guys to step up and make the first move, and I can see how that would be hard for someone a little more introverted. I mean, first the guy has to get up the courage to say something or do something (and hope that it's the "right" thing), and then he has to wait and see if it's going to be followed up with a rejection. He has to continually put himself out there and run the risk of being completely embarrassed or looking like a total jerk.
But I think girls have to go through a lot of the same thing, just in a different form. Girls may have the luxury of waiting for and expecting the guy to be the one to make the first move, but we have to live the with the idea that no guy is even going to bother unless we can keep their attention. I think girls can say all day long that they don't care what they look like, but come on, every girl cares at least a little on some level. And every girl worries that she may not be "pretty enough" to get whatever kind of guy she's looking for.
The truth is, everyone wants to appeal to the opposite sex and no one likes rejection. So I think that men and women have the same problems, and are under equal amounts of pressure, but we just have to deal with it in different ways.
4 comments:
Ultimately if a person is comfortable with who they are, even if they aren't conventionally attractive or for a guy wealthy or what have you, if they are comfortable in their own skin that is extremely attractive. We make quick judgments based on these superficial criteria but ultimately for a true lasting relationship more deeper qualities have to be in harmony. This may sound like wishful thinking but I've seen plenty of seemingly mismatched couples. Every negative you perceive is a possible positive to someone else: being short is cute, having a big nose is sexy, what have you. The introversion thing can be tough to get over but in general I wish people would have more courage, I grew up extremely introverted but eventually decided I'd just put myself out there and if someone didn't like me, their loss. One last thing, my friend when teaching art always told his students "perfection is boring", and I truly believe that. Embrace your imperfections, everyone has them, put yourself out there and don't worry so much: my general advice, not necessarily for you Sway. Has this issue come up for you recently? It's an interesting topic with a lot of ground to cover and I think you've made good points. Guys do need to step up but be polite and respectful, but girls too could use a little more courage. No one likes to face rejection, but face it again and again and soon enough you'll take it in stride, but usually you can pick up on subtle cues and not get the hard rejection. Having the intention of just meeting people and not necessarily for dating or hooking up helps too, the romance thing will find one in good time, the real thing is worth waiting for, right? Bit long winded response but there it is...
I hope that I somehow got across that my thoughts were mainly regarding the initial meet-up between men and women. I definitely agree that in order for any relationship to last for any significant amount of time there has to be those quirks and imperfections. They are, after all, what makes that person unique, and it seems everyone searches for that special someone who is quite unlike any other, do we not? Perfection is incredibly boring. It allows no room for growth, no hope for expansion. Personally, and maybe this sounds a little odd at first, but oh well – I’ve always sort of looked forward to those “first fights”, because they mean that both people are in the relationship. If they weren’t, or if they were both perfect and never screwed up, then there would be nothing to discuss or argue about, no progress to be made, nothing to be resolved, and things would continue on, just as they were, forever until someone shook things up a bit. I need a certain amount of stability, for sure, but I need the little imperfections, too. They’re what breathe life into the relationship and make my significant other who he is.
Hey Sway! In response to your comments here and on my Falcon post, well, I'm a werefalcon, the photo is of myself, I set a timer. Also, I think you were clear about the question regarding initial meets, I was just taking the proposed encounter and thinking to the end result, y'know, what does a person want to come of that initial contact. As to my lengthy response, yeah, I think about this stuff, anything dealing with human behavior fascinates me, I'm an amateur evolutionary psychologist, with a huge, bold line beneath amateur! Jane Goodall was a childhood hero of mine :) None of that made much sense but it's late...
Oh, the falcon was at a zoo, take care!
It never occurred to me that men must be "instigators" and women must be "receptors". I always assumed people were equal and reached agreement on a relationship mutually. It was not until I was in my late 20s (and after much direction from friends) that I kind of started to get the hint that men were supposed to take the initiative.
One piece of advice, given by a female Japanese friend, was that men only have a limited window of opportunity with a woman. She said that my policy of wanting to get to know a woman for 6 months to a year was too long and I would miss my windows of opportunity. Fortunately, she was wrong.
One of the fascinating things I've picked up in reading blogs, is just how prevalent the "man must act" and “woman must wait (perhaps while dropping subtle hints)" attitude is. I really missed a lot of cues and signals in my days. Of course, I tend to be hyper-literal and explicitly state what they are thinking, feeling, etc.
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