Some days I'm almost positive that I need to form some sort of addictive habit.
Cigarettes are probably the go-to addiction of choice, but I've just never been the smoking type. (Wait. Is there a smoking type? See, I don't even know.)
There's gambling -- but you know, I really don't have that kind of money to be screwing around with.
There's theft, but the law isn't really something I want to screw around with either.
Drugs, but I'm not that kind of girl.
Proclivities of a carnal nature, but I'm not really that kind of a girl either.
And then there's always alcohol, but aside from the whole wealth of problems associated with alcoholism which I don't really want to risk, I live alone -- so if I drank myself into a coma no one would find me for days.
I guess coffee will just have to do.
I bring this up because it seems to me like time always passes so much quicker for people with a compulsive method for passing the time. And while I would never genuinely wish the days of my life away, sometimes I would seriously love for life to move a little faster toward a time when I have a better foothold on everything.
I feel restless. Like I'm either not where I'm supposed to be at this point in my life, or like I'm waiting for something that hasn't arrived yet, but definitely will, someday. This is kind of a dissatisfied feeling. And the strange thing is that I have a great life, and I shouldn't have any reason to feel dissatisfied. I mean, sure my life isn't as perfect as what I see when I close my eyes, but whose ever is? Certainly there's nothing for me to be unhappy about.
Right?
Man, I just can't shake the feeling, and it's driving me crazy. I'm waiting on something, but I have no idea what it is or how to speed it up. Or I'm lacking something, but it's not something little, it's something huge and I'm just too stupid to recognize what it is.
Maybe this is what a quarter-life crisis feels like.
3 comments:
Restlessness may be just an evolutionary drive. I've been restless for a long time. I always feel like I should be doing, learning, achieving more. No wonder caffeine is America's addiction of choice and marijuana is illegal, we need alert and productive citizens to feed the machine.
Well. At least I'm sure that I'd rather be restless than content with a life that's stagnant.
There is no question that smoking will definitely hasten your days, as will excessive drink and pretty much any over indulged vice. Best to combine them if you really want to burn through the days.
I don't know about quarter-life crisis. A number of friends seem to have gone through it and I've come across a number of bloggers who muse they are / went through some sort of quarter-life angst. I never really experienced any major angst until about a third of the way through my life (and it wasn't pretty - not on my end and not for those around me).
One thing I find helps to ease restlessness is to do something you normally wouldn't do (this seems to be easier if you are feeling restless rather than listless). During my quarter-life (though, no crisis), I decided to take acting lessons. While it is nothing I would pursue, it was actually a lot of fun.
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